I airplane, you airplane.

There just isn't a way to put it into words.
My life.
But I'm determined to write about it.
These years, year, or 5 months.
I moved to Milwaukee in April of 2008.
I did not have a job.
[I was promised one at Alterra,
but all of my paperwork fell through
& was not on the schedule 'til who knows when with bills to pay.]
I had been frequenting Eric's employer, Anodyne Coffee,
so they offered me a job based on my experience. I think.
I started as a cashier,
but in two days I was on bar.
Then I was opening bar.
It was awesome.
Those two weeks without touching espresso was making me legitimately insane.
Then, along the way, I realized I wasn't growing.
& I wasn't learning anything.
& my accomplishments during the day were minimal.
I had not broadened my coffee knowledge.
The whole reason we moved to this state.

Then, a few lights had shown in opportunities.
& one held out their hand immediately offering me a interveiw.
Intelligentsia.
It wasn't the big name that got me.
Heh, I'm not a brand person.
It was like scouting for college.
You go into the Director of Education's office,
& they tell you all these ways to learn what you want to learn,
take this class,
do this internship,
meet these professors, &
in a couple years, wah-lah !
You've got yourself a degree in Education !
Kind of like that.
I'm thirsty for knowledge, education, coffee, & pushing myself.
& my interview with Mike Philips offered me just that.

I was so excited.
Eric had talked with some of the roasters,
& they gave words of encouragement.
I was following Mike anywhere coffee was involved,
trying to keep my head on my shoulders.

I was living alone.
In a 700 dollar old motel room turned into an apartment.
I was couch crashing on a couch I wasn't necessarily welcomed.
I felt I didn't belong.
I took one of the first openings for an apartment I could.
Close to work.
Never have to spend money on the bus.
Just rent, & my phone bill.
It got to a point where I felt like I was going insane.
I wasn't eating [I could NOT afford food].
I was trying to stay away from my apartment as much as possible.
Why ?
The neighbors were lousy, sleazy & loud.
I was hounded by the engineer because shit was wrong with my apartment.
I was alone, & mostly cried.

I'M NOT A BABY.
I have been through some shit.
& humans feel.

So, going to work was incredible.
I was surrounded by Chicago Scene.
I could watch these baristas work on bar all day.
I finally got Clover Certified !
So I could dial in coffee's picked for the day !
I was in constant contact with coffee & people.
But, at the end of that 8-hour shift,
I had no where to go,
I had nothing to eat,
& everyone had their own plans.

Stealing the neighbors wi-fi,
Netflix became my best friend.
So did the phone.
I went two weeks tops without seeing a friendly face.
A real one.
Like, Eric or Luke.
I go without seeing my best girl friends for months.
I started to enjoy being alone.
Because that meant I didn't have to try,
to be shot down.
Or drown my face in cheap bourbon & PBR,
just to feel like shit the next day.
Or to think about food.
There were food storefronts everywhere you walked ...

When I planned to see Eric, or vise versa,
we would take the Metra for a two hour ride from Clybourn to Kenosha.
& there's still a 45 minute car ride from Kenosha to Milwaukee.
It got real hard ...

It got scary.
I almost took my life.
In all seriousness.
Everything ever,
all the shit that's ever gone down in my life,
kept building & building,
& the apartment became the mountain
where I hoarded myself &
my insecurities,
my hopes,
my depression.
My life.
It would've been my death,
if it weren't for Luke & Eric making an emergency drive down.
They saved my life.
Fuck.
I'm fucking crying while I type this shit.
Because I still feel the thorn. &
that the millions of them have broken off &
stay inside & build like mulch & mud.
Like the time my older sister tried to kill me.
or the time she molested me & my younger sister.
Or the times my father punched me in the face.
or when I pissed myself because of how scared I was of him.
How I still wake up in the middle of the night &
hear my mother crying ...
& see him slap Jackie in her crib.
How he almost broke my arm.
The time I called after I walked out of that place.
The anger in his voice;
"Come home dog, & receive your beating.
There's no freedom here.
You're mine."
I still have nightmares of you.
& I still smell the liquor.
...

I wish things could have been different.
I wish I could've finished my college degree.
& I wish I was still working for Intelligentsia.
& how I still get choked up thinking about it.
Did I miss an opportunity ?
Yes.
Will I ever get that chance, again ?
Who knows.
Do I still blame my family ?
Sometimes.
But for the most part.
I just love them so much.
I wish things were different ...

So, anyway.
On the road to recovery.
It's been ...
almost 3 years ?
Since I've left home.
Almost 3 years since I've said a word to that man.
I've talked to my mom ... 12 times since ?
My sisters more frequently.

Well, this post sort of went in an interesting direction.
I'm sort of glad no one really reads this but Eric.
I'm back in Milwaukee, now.
Working two jobs.
Working with coffee.
Trying to expose myself to this coffee world.
Trying to expose my brain to all this knowledge.
Trying to lap up some sanity.
Do more art.
Push myself hard.
Love freely.
Trust my instincts.
Let it happen ...

I bought a ukulele.
I am learning how to tattoo.
My milk is sweet,
my espresso juicy,
& I can pour my heart out.
I'm gonna do this.

Passion

My passion for coffee runs deep.
It courses through my veins.
I have a thirst not understandable to most.
I moved over 100 miles from my fiance to pursue my dream.
Ever since I've started in coffee,
I never believed I would ever work for a shop like Intelligentsia.
But it's always been my goal.
I have pushed myself to the limits to reach it.
I would not currently call my job status "professional barista,"
but I am finally paving way.
There is so much opportunity;
so much to learn;
so much to do;
so much to strive for.
Coffee is going to save the world.
& what I'm doing now, is just that.

The bike path ahead is un-mapped, bumpy, & bright,
& I'm going to ride solo for the most of it.
But, you're here in my heart, Eric.
& I do, & will love you forever.
Thanks for your support while I grab my career by the tailcoat.

I'm ready.

She lives on in all the drinks we create

Dear Liza,

The last time I saw you, you came by my house with Kelly. You were holding a large bag filled with apples picked from an orchard hours before. I was making vegan cupcakes & when you bit into one, you said they were the best vegan cupcakes you've ever had. You sat on my floor & watched our Michigan friends play Batman, but it was getting dark, & Kelly had to open the next morning, so you said you'd stay & spend time with us a couple minutes more. You gave me a kiss on the cheek & hugged me so tight while we made promises to hang out in Chicago, soon. We exchanged I love you's & you two set off home. You were excited to train me for Great Lakes, & wanted to do so the following weekend, but I was switched shifts that Sunday we had planned the Chicago visit ... then the following Wednesday, not hours before I had called you, Eric called me with heart shattering news ... at the sound of the dial tone, I broke lose on the inside, & didn't move for 4 hours ... Eric & Luke came home, & dragged me to the bar & we drank away our sorrows we knew would never fade. Liza, you were a great friend, & cared so much about coffee, & any one of your friends & family. You told me to do better than my best, & I promised I would for you. You told me to never let anyone get me down. You would've gone to the ends of the earth for anyone. Or anything. You were beautiful, full of knowledge, passion, courage, & kindness. Thank you for the long conversations, friendship & encouragement. Thank you for everything you done with me, & for me. I will never forget you. Ever.

I love you, Liza Whitacre. I'm better person upon meeting you.

& The Title of My Blog

I would love to write more. I loathe neglecting these kind of internet opportunities to express myself. I promise to write more. For real, this time.

& off we go ...

I attended an event called Coffee Talk this past weekend of October 3rd & 4th. It took place in Grand Rapids, Michigan [my home state !] & was hosted by a fine bunch of coffee nerds, like myself, at Madcap Coffee. The lectures took place at an art gallery called Artprize, just down the road, & at Macap Coffee. I'll give you the run down.

The crew & I [which consisted of my non-coffee driven friend, Luke Longuski, & my very coffee driven-friends, Brett Felchner, Tif Harrison, & my coffee partner in crime Eric Mullins] drove out on Friday in the late afternoon [Liza Whitacre joined us on the ride back]. We arrived at our hotel [at a VERY discounted price thanks to Luke] around 1230 or so, & met immediately with Eric's parents. We headed up to our rooms, stretched & enjoyed a few beers & laughs until we felt too tired for conversation. The next morning, we promptly awoke around 7 & headed to a scarce supply of breakfast at the hotel buffet. What do you expect, right ? So we headed over, eyes bright & as big as the moon. As soon as I exited the car, I saw Trevor Corlett, & rushed to hug him. He led us over to the lecture building & showed us around. This place reminded me more of a basement like studio; perfect. Especially for hosting such a unique event. Art, everywhere !

MadCap Coffee Roasters, Grand Rapids, MI

Eventually, Trevor travelled back to Madcap & we followed excited & ready for our morning cup. It was a hopping morning for them. Laura Feldman & Ryan Knapp were pulling shots & were all smiles. I had some Third Coast espresso by the hosts themselves. Mm. Delicious. Full & bright with lots of mellow fruit nuances. I also shared a Costa Rica Brumas Del Zurqui pour over with Tif. Fruity fruit. Very enjoyable ! From there the gang was headed over to start the lectures over at Artprize & we began our Coffee Talk.

Edwin Martinez. Incredible guy. He is the 3rd-generation grower/manager of the Finca Vista Hermosa farm in Guatemala. He had a slideshow of his plantation & gave us a lot of infortmation about coffee farming, & how our role in the industry is so important. He mentioned how it takes 7 years to grow & be able to pick a ripe crop. & explained the Finca Vista Hermosa's washing methods, & more. I enjoyed our personal conversations, as well.

Next up, Chris Demarse from the Coffee Institute. Now, these dudes know their stuff like you know your mother. He discussed dosing, balance, & how important they both are in order for the sugars, oils, & lipids to respond to the water properly for tasteful espresso. "Bring the Essence out."

Following Chris ... Jam Time. We had five Espresso machines [if you count the La Marzocco G2], four donated by the SCAA [or did Trevor say it was the Barista Guild ?] & six guest Espressos to work with. 1. Intelligentsia Single Origin Honduras Black Cat. 2. Alterra Del Toro Blend. 3. 49th Parallel Epic Blend. 4. Metropolis Redline Espresso. 5. Anodyne Espresso Blend. 6. Madcap Third Coast Epresso. There was a lot of coffee shop employees [including myself] pulling shots for all who lusted, & there was also room for others to pull Espresso from their favourite shops ! Definitely awesome. After/During Jam time, lunch was provided; sammiches ! Yum.

Late into the afternoon now, Jesse Crouse from Intelligentsia up to bat for lecture on Alternate brew methods. He stressed the importance of particle size, temperature & turbulence & demonstrated & explained Chemex, Siphon, & Cafe Solo methods. & samples were given ! "We want the cofee to extract itself, not for us to extract the coffee."

More Jam time was followed & more delightful conversations were exchanged. I would like to mention here how many people were there, because there was a really great turnout. A lot of good representation from a lot of shops, as well. I would say about 40 plus coffee involved people attended. Everyone was engaged in conversation & I enjoyed being surrounded by so many people who care to engage in events like these. There was a lot productive conversations during the lectures & a lot of good questions followed by great answers. you had to be there to experience it. If you weren't there, you really missed out ... you've got to know I'm not mentioning it all ...

So, last for the day; Chris Defirio from the Coffee Institute lecturing about latte art. He explained how latte art is created, named a few techniques [which were SUPER helpful], key rules & how the pitcher should chase the liquid, & not vise versa. "The want to create good latte art inhibits the ability to create good latte art."

The event ended until the following morning, & we had quite a few adventures including, but not limited to; food, walking, talking, beer, coffee & napping.

Me & Brett Felchner.

& now the evening festivities were kicking off. HopCat, a local bar, was hosting a party for MadCap Coffee & all the Coffee Talk attendees. What makes this more special than any other bar hosted party is there was a La Marzocco G2 & a one Trevor Corlett [with a one Chad Morton helping !] pulling espresso for drinks like:

The Double Rigger:

HopCat Oil Riggger Imperial Stout topped with a double shot of Third Coast Espresso.

Imperial Machiatto:

HopCat Oil Rigger Imperial Stout topped with Third Coast Espresso & marked with foam.

Iced Stout:

HopCat Oil Rigger Imperial Stout with iced Rungeto, Kenya AA & a single shot of Third Coast Espresso.

Wow. What a night. I'll let these pictures explain split seconds of it.

Eric Mullins, Tif Harrison, & I.

Jim Saborio, Comet Crew ! Ryan Knapp, Brett Felcnher, Liza Whitacre, blurriness, Jesse Crouse, Scott Lucey.

Me, Eric Mullins, Chad Morton.

Bright & Early with bushy tails, headaches & all that, we headed to breakfast & out to MadCap. Trevor pulled me some Autumn Espresso from Square Mile. Ridiculous. It was amazing ... rad, awesome. Smooth & cocoa sweet. Oh, man ! I enjoyed some pour over of the Brazil Fazenda Sao Judas for the morning & slowly sipped the nectar-like coffee while Edwin held a cupping instructional.

Cody Kinart hat, Brett Felchner, Chris Deferio, Trevor Corlett, Jesse Crouse, Liza Whitacre, Scott Lucey, Colin Whitcomb.

We cupped three chemexed coffees as a group [& I apologize for the lack of information on these three]; an Ethiopia [a sidama ? Which I think was from the Coffee Collective ?], a Kenya, & a Brazil from Madcap. He advised that the best time to cup is early morning, around 10 am for the reasoning that your senses are at the peak of the day & also you haven't eaten a whole lot to skew your palette. For real.

Eric Mullins, Me, Tif Harrison.

We had a break in time for more conversation & jam time & the Square Mile was in everyones bellies with no other evidence than empty demitasses scattered about. Scott Lucey up next from Alterra, discussing The Next Level Barista Competitor. He discussed personal experiences on both judging & competing & encouraged everyone to compete. He might have even given me a little more encouragement me ... we'll see.

Jimmy Johns for lunch. Favourite, haha.

Liza Whitacre, Brett Felchner, Mike Jones, Jim Saborio, Ryan Knapp, Eric Mullins, Edwin Martinez, Adam Burley.

Ryan Knapp from Madcap hosted a panel discussion in the Role of Today's Baristas. Talya Strader from Intelligentsia on the panel, along with Colin from Alterra. Very in depth conversations. We got a lot of feedback from the Managerial side of things & discussed very important things in today's industry with each other as a group. I was very glad to be apart of that discussion.

Latte Art Throwdown ! Always fun :} Trevor Corlett kicked butt, haha. Goodbyes were exchanged shortly thereafter & numbers were given & recieved along with lots of hugs & a ton of free coffee from many, many coffee sponsors. Coffee Talk 2010 ? Where ?

Chad Morton, Edwin Martinez.

This weekend was such an important one to me. The coffee community will live on & grow like a sycamore. Our lust for specialty coffee will never go out, & we will keep trying harder to help the bean & everyone involved as much as possible. We are changing & saving the world !

See you soon, Mitten. I love you.

Ps: Did I mention I enjoyed a pour over of Panama Hacienda La Esmerelda from the Coffee Collective !? Twice !? Oh, em gee. Jasmine, & mellow spice with a crisp clean finish of sweet orange blossom & honey. MOUTH EXPLOSION ! :D :D :D

Coffee. Coffee ? Yup. Coffee.

Coffee is one of the most important things to me in my life. Some refer to it as "a pick me up," or "the devil's cup" & other refer to it as "god in a cup." There is a lot to coffee. There's so much to do with it, & even more varieties. Which, is incredible seeing as how the coffee bean only grows between The Tropics of Cancer & Capricorn; a pretty small feat with all that ocean. I dream of going to origin; most of all Panama where the infamous & precious Hacienda La Esmeralda grows. Coffee is my passion. Coffee is my life.

So, I'll shortly discuss how it all began. I had a handful of friends working at a local coffee shop in town; none of which had much passion (yet) for the bean until one afternoon, Josh Longsdorf from (at that time) The Ugly Mug Cafe came through the doors. He ordered espresso, & was dissappointed, but saw a glimmer in the Baristas eyes for knowledge & from that, Ramiro Lomeli & Eric Mullins had their lives thrown in a different direction. Later in the week, after The Mug Shot had become an Ugly Mug wholesale account, I traveled to Ypsilanti & experienced some coffee first hand from their reputable Baristas & thus my life from that day on has consisted of a passion for coffee.

Most of my friends are involved in the coffee industry. We geek over coffees, & frequently engage in long conversations over them. Some of the only times I travel out of the state is for coffee, & I love every minute of it. The industry is fun, involved, involving, evolving, & there's always more to learn.

Direct Trade coffee is important to me. Stumptown, is one example. Square Mile , Madcap, Intelligentsia, & The Coffee Collective are a few others. Direct Trade, I feel, is the only way to better the world of coffee for the farmer, & for the perfection of a cup. Only the best can come from doing things right, & can only lead to more things to better coffee. Another example; Duane from Stumptown. He has relationships with the farmers, & treats them reputably well. In turn, the bean is treated with more care, & the farmer attunes his care for the better quality of the coffee. Even more becomes of this. Duane hires the finest Baristas & Roasters. Only the passionate ones make it, & they are knowledgable, have a talent for all types of coffee brewing/roasting, & are very involved & interested in the industry & the company they work for. In an even more turn of events, the consumer enjoys a fine cup of coffee; a win always. A big concern is the bean, perfection & professionalism. Serving coffee the best possible way & striving for the best at any given moment. & it could all start with Direct Trace.

My coffee passion has taken me many places & introduced me to so many new things; knowledge, techniques, coffees, friends. One place in particular is roasting. In Early Spring of 2009, Eric Mullins & I ventured into roasting at The Ugly Mug with guidance & instruction from Miro Lomeli & Zak Rye. Roasting is one of the most fufilling & rewarding experiences, next to Barista work, I've ever had. Not only was I roasting (Me ! Roasting coffee ! & well, on a small batch Diedrich !) But it gave my Barista skills a huge boost. The controlling of my batches was a result from working as a Barista my local coffee shop, & vise versa. & it was also aiding in my appreciation & appetite for perfection. It was amazing. I sincerely miss it. But, the shop I was working for in Michigan has now closed, & I moved to Wisconsin. I currently work for Anodyne Coffee Roasting Company, & The National Cafe, both in Milwaukee.

Before I exhale my last breath, I'd like to do many things. Venturing the universe of coffee will always be my life.